she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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