We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
