Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
