I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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