you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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