at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
