I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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