I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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