My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
