Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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