eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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