You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
