We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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