Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
