i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
