She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't deserve a penis
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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