my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
