Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
