In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
