so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
