Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
