I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
