so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
