The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
