Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
