Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
