So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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