Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
