I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
