Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
