the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
