all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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