i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
