no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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