and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
