I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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