4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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