So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
