Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
