Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
