drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize