I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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