woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
