you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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