I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my liver is dry heaving
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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