My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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