I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
