I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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