Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry my hands just texted you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
