Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
