At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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