i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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