im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
