We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
