soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
