I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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