Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
