whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
