so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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