I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
