how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
