ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize