Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize