Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
