Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
