In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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