Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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