even my farts smell like vagina
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
